Death & Love [The Fictional Type]

So here’s the deal – I’m upset and heartbroken and bawling.

They killed off Charlie Bradbury on Supernatural on Wednesday.

STOP IT NO NO CHARLIE NO WHY FUCK NO

STOP IT NO NO CHARLIE NO WHY FUCK NO

And I watched it yesterday and I cried at the scene of her dead, broken body as I watched. I saw a spoiler in the morning; I hoped it wouldn’t be true, I hoped it was some fanmade theory. But no, she’s dead and according to the next episode’s promo, she’s salted and burned which means she’s not coming back. EVER. Not alive at least, not the same.

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Just before I started writing this post, I came across a video that was made, a tribute to Felicia Day’s character, Celeste Middleton AKA Charlie Bradbury. They used the song ‘Wait‘ which pretty much breaks my heart every single time I listen to it because the lyrics tug at my heartstrings and remind me how short life really is. I first heard the song when Augustus Waters was dying and his eulogies were being read to him in The Fault In Our Stars last year. The song is playing right now, as I write this post. And I’m close to tears again.

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I’ve always been far too attached to fictional characters for my own good. When they die or are injured, it’s like my heart splinters into pieces for each of them. Books, TV shows and movies – I love the characters in them more than I like real people. It fucking hurts when they die and I know they aren’t coming back, not ever again.

And I seem to enjoy torturing myself – choosing shows and books where people die ALL THE FUCKING TIME. I’m surprised they didn’t kill Charlie off sooner. I felt so bad when they killed off another female character I loved – Bela Talbot, even though her time was up [literally].

I don’t even know why I’m watching Game of Thrones where no dead character makes a return- at all. Started with Ned Stark, then Khal Drogo, Maester of Winterfell, Robb and Catelyn Stark,and oh god, RENLY. It hurts so damn much. Because across episodes, seasons, books, series you connect with a character, form a bond, relate with them and then suddenly – they’re gone and you’re still there and you don’t know what to do.

Charlie was the epitome of a fangirl, she represented us out there. She wasn’t a sexualized lesbian, she wasn’t a ridiculed nerd, she showed us all there was hope at the end of the tunnel -except it was a very short tunnel for her.

Still can't believe it.

Still can’t believe it.

Maybe I like characters who are dead or dying or going to die all the time – my fucking OTP of all things includes two dead people – James and Lily Potter who died eleven years before Harry Potter began. Seriously, I’m fucked up.

Charlie’s death was something I didn’t anticipate, not even a little, not even at all. I didn’t think they would kill off the person who represented their show’s fanbase. Who represented me on there.

Maybe that’s why it hurt so much.

And now I’m listening to the TFIOS soundtrack and crying some more. Brilliant.

Charlie Bradbury, you may have been a fictional character, you may have been in only a few episodes, but you’re my heroine and I idolize you. Thank you.

charlie-peace-out-bitches

Goodbye, Charlie. I love you.

Until tomorrow,

Nia Carnelio.

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